Gearing up for the most intense family time of the year? Watch this master class for how to set healthy boundaries. For the best women in tech advice, subscribe to our channel and hit the bell to be notified when we post a new video every Tuesday. The holiday season is upon us, and to celebrate this most wonderful time of the year, women everywhere will be pulled in 2,437 different directions.
So by the end of this master class, you will have our five best tips on how to set healthy boundaries with the people in your life, including one for each of the top five boundary crossers. Parents, in-laws, partners, co-workers, and casual acquaintances. Our first tip is to remember that clear is kind. The more clear and precise you can be with what your boundaries actually are, the less chance someone's gonna have of accidentally crossing one.
This is particularly helpful in the partners department. You don't want your partner to be guessing what your boundaries are. If you're just very clear and upfront with them, you say "This is what is gonna work for me, "and this isn't," they have less chance of accidentally messing up. Our second tip is to offer a consolation prize. This is particularly effective with parents and in-laws.
If you have two sets of parents that live in the same city, you're gonna be going back and forth and back and forth and having two Christmases, four Thanksgivings, four different holiday parties on Boxing Day, whatever it is, and it's too much. So if you have to say to one set of parents, "I'm so sorry, we're not gonna be there "for Christmas dinner," offer them a consolation prize. "But we will be there for New Year's Day brunch, "or we'll spend Christmas Eve together."
Whatever it is, saying no outright can be very uncomfortable and kind of triggering, but if you offer them a Plan B an almost as good, a silver medal, it's gonna be easier for them to handle it. Now setting boundaries is uncomfortable if you've never done it before, so if you find yourself slipping, go check out our master class on how to be assertive. It's gonna be really helpful in keeping your boundaries firm. Our third tip on setting boundaries is to give everyone a lot of notice. If you decide on December 23rd that you're gonna start setting your boundaries, that is too late. Pandemonium will ensue, and nobody wants that.
So before Thanksgiving, before Christmas, as early as you can, let everyone know what your boundaries are, what you'll be at, what you won't be at, and that's gonna be super helpful. This is especially effective for your boss or for your co-workers. If there's a Christmas party that you can't make it to, or if you're going on a real holiday over the holidays, and you won't be checking your phone, that's amazing. Just make sure that everybody knows that's your plan. The worst thing you can do is surprise someone with a boundary. If you give them lots of notice, it's easier for everybody. Tip number four is to prepare a positive script.
Now, when you are setting boundaries, it can be really easy to fall into a confrontational vibe, which doesn't usually work. So if you can keep things positive, everybody wins. Now, the kicker with this is that people will bait you. They will push your button, they will cross the line, they will do all the things that you have specifically asked them not to do, accidentally getting you to react. So if you have a script set, that means you have a bank of phrases that you can use to just sever that conversation. It's a path you don't wanna go down.
So if somebody starts talking to you about that ex-boyfriend that they really hope that you get back together with, or they mention the fact that you're a different shape than you were the previous holiday season, or they have some sort of comment on your career, or whatever it is, whatever your boundary is, whatever you are not talking about this season, you can say something like, "That's interesting," or like "Huh." And that's it. But if you have your pre-set script, you won't be scrambling for words and tempted to react.
So make sure that you have a positive script ready to go for those particular folks in your life who like to push your buttons, specifically for the parents in your kid's school or random extended family, whoever it is, someone that feels the need to comment on some part of how you're doing you, just make sure you have a script ready, and it's gonna make that interaction a lot easier. If you have a great neutral boundary response, I would love to know what it is in the comments. Comment below with your best neutral boundary thing, be it "That's interesting," or "How nice," or whatever it is, comment below, I'd love to know what yours is.
Okay, so our fifth and final tip for setting up boundaries, healthy boundaries, during this time of year is to set a consequence. Remember, there needs to be a consequence for crossing one of your boundaries, or people will continue to do it. And the nice part about this is that you are not a tree. Which means you can leave. You can exit the room, you can go talk to someone else, you can go do some deep breaths in the car, or hide in the bathroom. Whatever it is, you don't have to just sit there and take it. You don't have to make a big deal about it, but you also can leave. Let people know that that is not a conversation you are willing to have this holiday season. Very effective for everybody, especially extended family.
If you have a random cousin or uncle or whoever it is, just know that you can leave and go talk to someone else. Go get another glass of eggnog. Whatever, you don't have to take it. So now you know exactly how to set healthy boundaries, which may help you even enjoy this holiday season instead of using the majority of your mental capacity developing comebacks for conversations that have already happened. But what if that comment about your career struck a real nerve, or what if you want a new career in 2020? Well, we just so happen to have a great free training on how to become a woman in tech, so you can start loving your career and stop hiding at holiday parties.
The link is below. And if you want a few more women on your side this holiday season, we have an amazing Facebook group called The Somervillage. It is full of bad-ass women doing bad-ass things, and we would love for you to join. The link is below as well. As always, if you liked this video, please like it. If you know someone who needs to see it, please send it their way, and make sure to subscribe. We have new videos each week. If you found this video helpful, please comment below with "That's interesting," or your favorite neutral boundary response. We'd love to know what's working for ya.
How to Set Healthy Boundaries in Life
So by the end of this master class, you will have our five best tips on how to set healthy boundaries with the people in your life, including one for each of the top five boundary crossers. Parents, in-laws, partners, co-workers, and casual acquaintances. Our first tip is to remember that clear is kind. The more clear and precise you can be with what your boundaries actually are, the less chance someone's gonna have of accidentally crossing one.
This is particularly helpful in the partners department. You don't want your partner to be guessing what your boundaries are. If you're just very clear and upfront with them, you say "This is what is gonna work for me, "and this isn't," they have less chance of accidentally messing up. Our second tip is to offer a consolation prize. This is particularly effective with parents and in-laws.
If you have two sets of parents that live in the same city, you're gonna be going back and forth and back and forth and having two Christmases, four Thanksgivings, four different holiday parties on Boxing Day, whatever it is, and it's too much. So if you have to say to one set of parents, "I'm so sorry, we're not gonna be there "for Christmas dinner," offer them a consolation prize. "But we will be there for New Year's Day brunch, "or we'll spend Christmas Eve together."
Whatever it is, saying no outright can be very uncomfortable and kind of triggering, but if you offer them a Plan B an almost as good, a silver medal, it's gonna be easier for them to handle it. Now setting boundaries is uncomfortable if you've never done it before, so if you find yourself slipping, go check out our master class on how to be assertive. It's gonna be really helpful in keeping your boundaries firm. Our third tip on setting boundaries is to give everyone a lot of notice. If you decide on December 23rd that you're gonna start setting your boundaries, that is too late. Pandemonium will ensue, and nobody wants that.
So before Thanksgiving, before Christmas, as early as you can, let everyone know what your boundaries are, what you'll be at, what you won't be at, and that's gonna be super helpful. This is especially effective for your boss or for your co-workers. If there's a Christmas party that you can't make it to, or if you're going on a real holiday over the holidays, and you won't be checking your phone, that's amazing. Just make sure that everybody knows that's your plan. The worst thing you can do is surprise someone with a boundary. If you give them lots of notice, it's easier for everybody. Tip number four is to prepare a positive script.
Now, when you are setting boundaries, it can be really easy to fall into a confrontational vibe, which doesn't usually work. So if you can keep things positive, everybody wins. Now, the kicker with this is that people will bait you. They will push your button, they will cross the line, they will do all the things that you have specifically asked them not to do, accidentally getting you to react. So if you have a script set, that means you have a bank of phrases that you can use to just sever that conversation. It's a path you don't wanna go down.
So if somebody starts talking to you about that ex-boyfriend that they really hope that you get back together with, or they mention the fact that you're a different shape than you were the previous holiday season, or they have some sort of comment on your career, or whatever it is, whatever your boundary is, whatever you are not talking about this season, you can say something like, "That's interesting," or like "Huh." And that's it. But if you have your pre-set script, you won't be scrambling for words and tempted to react.
So make sure that you have a positive script ready to go for those particular folks in your life who like to push your buttons, specifically for the parents in your kid's school or random extended family, whoever it is, someone that feels the need to comment on some part of how you're doing you, just make sure you have a script ready, and it's gonna make that interaction a lot easier. If you have a great neutral boundary response, I would love to know what it is in the comments. Comment below with your best neutral boundary thing, be it "That's interesting," or "How nice," or whatever it is, comment below, I'd love to know what yours is.
Okay, so our fifth and final tip for setting up boundaries, healthy boundaries, during this time of year is to set a consequence. Remember, there needs to be a consequence for crossing one of your boundaries, or people will continue to do it. And the nice part about this is that you are not a tree. Which means you can leave. You can exit the room, you can go talk to someone else, you can go do some deep breaths in the car, or hide in the bathroom. Whatever it is, you don't have to just sit there and take it. You don't have to make a big deal about it, but you also can leave. Let people know that that is not a conversation you are willing to have this holiday season. Very effective for everybody, especially extended family.
If you have a random cousin or uncle or whoever it is, just know that you can leave and go talk to someone else. Go get another glass of eggnog. Whatever, you don't have to take it. So now you know exactly how to set healthy boundaries, which may help you even enjoy this holiday season instead of using the majority of your mental capacity developing comebacks for conversations that have already happened. But what if that comment about your career struck a real nerve, or what if you want a new career in 2020? Well, we just so happen to have a great free training on how to become a woman in tech, so you can start loving your career and stop hiding at holiday parties.
The link is below. And if you want a few more women on your side this holiday season, we have an amazing Facebook group called The Somervillage. It is full of bad-ass women doing bad-ass things, and we would love for you to join. The link is below as well. As always, if you liked this video, please like it. If you know someone who needs to see it, please send it their way, and make sure to subscribe. We have new videos each week. If you found this video helpful, please comment below with "That's interesting," or your favorite neutral boundary response. We'd love to know what's working for ya.
How to Set Healthy Boundaries in Life
Reviewed by Sunil Kumar
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Reviewed by Sunil Kumar
on
03:58
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